Every Child Deserves a Champion

I am a Teacher, a lifelong Educator. I have filled many roles within the public school system, from Teacher to Administrator, to School Board member, and full circle back to Teacher.

This quote from Rita Pierson is one of my favorites, and I wholeheartedly believe it. Rita’s TedX talk is one worth watching if you have never seen it.

However, it took me a long, long time to come to the understanding that, even though every child deserves a champion, that champion did not always have to be me. 

Yes…I will say that again. 

Every child deserves a champion, but that champion does not have to be me.

You see, I fell into the classic pitfall that many educators fall into. We get into this profession hoping to change the world, one student at a time. That tendency leads us to want to fix all the “unfixable things,” and when I say that, I don’t mean the kids. We want to fix the system, we want to fix the social dynamics. We want to end social injustice, and fix the economical disparities that our students experience. We run as fast as we can to put out fires and to lift people up…to give them a hand that will hopefully lead them to a better life. We sacrifice time with our own children in order to be there for others’ children. And we think we have to be every kid’s champion. We run ourselves down, burn ourselves out, by trying to “save” them all. 

The burnout rate of teachers and administrators right now in the United States is unprecedented. People are not going into the profession, and people are jumping out of it at an alarming rate. I believe the pressure coming from many well-meaning pundits has set us up for failure. So many sound bites, all of them with the undertone that if we don’t sacrifice our lives and well-being for our students and our schools, we aren’t worthy of the name “Teacher.” To be a Teacher means self-sacrifice for the betterment of society. 

Just a few examples:

I do believe there is some truth in these well-meaning quotes.

However, I believe the message that we are humans doing the best we can also needs to be in the mix. That sometimes, we get tired and have to tag out. That, yes, every students deserves a champion, and sometimes I am too spent for that champion to be me. 

I am not a failure as an educator if I am tapped out and need to call in back up. 

I am not a failure as an educator if I need to take a day off to regroup. 

I am not a failure as an educator if there is a student I don’t particularly like, or enjoy having in my class. 

I am not a failure as an educator if today, I can only give it 90% (or 70, or 60, etc.) and not 100. 

I am not a failure as an educator if I miss a deadline. 

I am not a failure as an educator if a student doesn’t like me.

I am not a failure as an educator if my student fails my class because they have refused to do any assignments in spite of my efforts on their behalf.

I am not a failure as an educator if I don’t absolutely love my job every minute of every day. 

Teaching is HARD WORK. Maintaining our own mental, emotional, and physical health is of the utmost importance if we are to remain effective in our profession. 

And if that means that sometimes, you have to allow someone else to swoop in and be a child’s champion because it is beyond your strength to do so at that moment in time, so be it. 

That is not a Failure. 

It is doing what’s best for your student, as well as for yourself, and we need to recognize that stepping back might be the best way to be that child’s champion in that moment.

Educators: Give yourselves Grace. You deserve a Champion too.

Acceptance

Daily writing prompt

What are your biggest challenges?

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When thinking about this question, my mind begins to scatter in a million different directions. My biggest thematic challenges of my life? My biggest challenges as a Woman? My biggest challenges as a Teacher? As a Human? As a Widow? Day to day struggles? As a Mom? My internal struggles?

This is the point at which my ADHD son would say, “Sure Mom, keep telling yourself you don’t have ADHD.” *wink*

I’ve been told I am an overthinker since I was a toddler. Always wanting to understand every avenue, every nuance of a situation. I always thought it was just the way my brain worked. I would overthink a question in school, on a test, to a point where I would be tied in knots, having no idea how to answer the question, because I saw the nuanced possibility of truth in every possible multiple choice response. 

What I didn’t realize is that this was rooted in deep Fear. The fear of being “wrong.”

This fear has made life difficult in so many ways. The fear of being wrong, of doing the wrong thing, of making the wrong choices, has caused me to spin my wheels at so many points in my life. I used to mistakenly have the idea that if I did the “right” things, made the “right” choices, was the best human I could be, good things would happen and that Life, the Universe, God, would reward me. As long as my life continued to be blessed with love and forward movement, I *must* be choosing the “right path.”

And then my world imploded. My husband died, and my world went dark. I couldn’t figure out what I did “wrong” to warrant this curse upon my life, upon my childrens’ lives. As an overthinker who had the mistaken idea that we reap what we sow, that God will protect me as long as I do good, that “all things happen for a reason,” not only was Life as I knew it over in one unexpected last breath, but the belief system that I had built my entire 51 year life upon was also dead. How could such a thing happen to one of the best men on Earth? How could he be taken away from us? How could our happy family be fractured in one fell swoop, when we had done nothing to “deserve it?”

My biggest challenge..of my Life, of Widowhood, of Womanhood, of Motherhood, has undoubtedly been coming awake to the Truth.

That Life is a full contact sport (as my wonderful therapist puts it.)

That Life is HARD. We don’t get what we “deserve.” In fact, the word “deserve” in an of itself is tainted. Who is to determine what we deserve? Good or bad? And to build a false ideaology that “we get what we deserve” is preposterous in the extreme.

That there are no “right” or “wrong” decisions…only choices and the consequences of those choices, and that we also have to live with the consequences of others’ choices at times.

That God does not give out merits or demerits in the form of blessings or punishments. God just is, and we have the free will to do what we can with what we have.

That pain and suffering comes to all. No one gets out alive or unscathed.

That sometimes there are no reasons. Things happen. What we do with the shattered pieces is also up to us. There is no right or wrong way to pick up and put those pieces back together. Beautiful Mosaics all.

That unlike school, Life is not a test that you pass or fail. Life is a Dance, and even the pauses, limbs on the floor sprawled in agony, is a part of that Dance.

So, my biggest challenges?

Accepting Life as it is, not as I project it “should” be, not as I wish it “would” be.

Trusting myself.

Honoring my mistakes.

Living passionately within my choices.

And learning to love who I am in all my imperfections and humanness within this random Universe that I have been sent to inhabit.

Grief Bumps in the Night

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote.

“Some nights
His absence is so loud
The silence drowns out
All else
And I can hear nothing
But the gaping hole
He left behind.”

This morning dawned clearer.

I have learned…

Grief allowed is Grief quieted.

It retreats to its usual place as background music to my life.

Sometimes it just needs to break out into an overbearing drum solo to get it out of its system.

Onward!

Widow

You don’t know this Me.

A lot has happened since I was last here.

I became a Widow.

I embrace the term now, 32 months later. 

Initially the term “Widow” conjured loss, pain, emptiness…I shied away from it like I would pull away from a burning flame, worried that if I looked directly at it, I would be consumed and lose my Self entirely, nothing left but ashes and cinder.

Now, the term “Widow” is one I wear proudly, a hard-earned badge of honor.

Yes, Widow is loss and pain.

But additionally…

Widow is Strength.

Widow is Power.

Widow is Vows honored and fulfilled.

Widow is Survivor.

Widow is Loved.

Widow is Independent.

Widow is Filled with memories of a life well lived.

Widow is Wisdom.

Widow is Aligned priorities.

Widow is Brave.

I was proud to be my husband’s wife.

I am *as* proud to be my husband’s Widow.

Decluttering-Inside and Out

I have spent the last three years decluttering my heart and soul. Though I am still a work in progress, and have a lot of “clean up” left to do, I have finally reached the point in my journey where I am on to the next stage in my growth:

I have way too much shit, and it has to go

Every year around this time I reorganize, sort, donate, etc. But I don’t think I’ve ever really felt the need to purge deep down in my bones, in my soul, because anything that has gone away in the past has been replaced by something else coming in.

This year feels different. I’m ready to let it go…to truly simplify in a way that my head always wanted, but my heart (I guess) didn’t. It is overwhelming to tackle such a thing…to disattach Meaning to the Thing…to let go of the fear of “what if I miss it? what if I need it someday?” To deeply consider what brings me joy…and what is simply attachment to the past…

It’s hard, this embarkation…but I think it is finally time.